1. Two guys and a union worker were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and joined them in the boat. When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked humbly, “Jesus, I’ve suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam war…could you help me?”"Of course, my son”, Jesus said, and when he touched the man’s back, he felt relief for the first time in years. The second man, who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving, asked if Jesus could do anything about his eyesight.Jesus smiled, removed the man’s glasses and tossed them in the lake. When they hit the water, the man’s eyes cleared and he could see everything distinctly.

 

When Jesus turned to heal the union worker, the guy put his hands up and cried defensively, “Don’t touch me! I’m on long term disability.”

 

2. One man was an engineer, the second man was an accountant, the third man was a chemist, and the fourth was a union worker.

To show off, the engineer called to his dog. “T-square, do your stuff.” T-square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen, and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.

Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

The accountant said his dog could do better. He called to his dog and said, “Spreadsheet, do your stuff.” Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into four equal piles of three cookies each.

Everyone agreed that was good.

The chemist said his dog could do better still. he called to his dog and said, “Measure, do your stuff.” Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a ten-ounce glass from the cupboard, and poured exactly eight ounces without spilling a drop.

Everyone agreed that was pretty impressive.

Then the three men turned to the government worker and said, “What can your dog do?”

The union worker called to his dog and said, “Coffee Break, do your stuff.” Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, claimed he had injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for worker’ compensation, and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.

 

3. This one is an actual true story that really happened.

My grandfather was a company V.P. An employee came in and tried to get workers comp because apparently he had injured himself in the factory.

He lifted his arm up partway and said that’s as far as he could lift it.

My grandfather said, “And how high could you lift it before?” The idiot lifted it way over his head. My grandfather kicked him out of his office.

True story.

Philobeado, usmessageboard.com

4. Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The
union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract’s
sick-leave provisions.

One morning at the bargaining table, the company’s chief negotiator held aloft
the morning edition of the newspaper, “This man,” he announced, “called in sick
yesterday!”There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had
just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score.

 

The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator.
“Wow,” he said. “Just think of what kind of score he could have had if he
hadn’t been sick!”